You smell like stripper and shame
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
