Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize