And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
