did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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