Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
