when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
