That's when you crack a 10am beer
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
