I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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