This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
