I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
