I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's the barista slut.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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