I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
