I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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