I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
