You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
