There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm at about main and main street
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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