This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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