The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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