We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
did you just send me my own nude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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