i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want her autograph on my taint
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
