Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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