I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
