bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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