i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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