She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
