Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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