He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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