My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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