I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
