2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
