Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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