Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
