i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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