she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize