the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
