just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
