How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
