I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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