Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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