I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
