He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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