He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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