I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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