Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
