oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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