he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
