My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
