help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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