i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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