I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
