Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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