the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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