apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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