Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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