Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
