we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
