life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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