Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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