I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
