If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
