I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
