Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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