She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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