You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
