We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
