Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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