history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize