I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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