apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
