No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
