He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
