Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
