Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
