He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
