you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
