It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
