Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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