And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
