I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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