One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
