i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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