Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
