a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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