thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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