sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
