I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So squirting runs in the family.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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