Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
