Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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