So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
