Say something about gay babies.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
