Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
