I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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