Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
