my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
