Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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