If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
