If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
