He uses pillows to masturbate.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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