you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
