I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
