If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
