words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
